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1/4/17 09:15 pm - [sticky post] - fiction & such for 2017


wang jiao ka men (1988) (as tears go by)
άλπεις (2011) (alps)
arrival (2016)

breaking bad, 2x10
minami kamakura high school girls cycling club, 1x01
showa genroku raguko shinju, 1x03
steven universe, 1x26-1x30
urara meirochou, 1x01

june kim: 12 days *
sakurako kimino + takuminamuchi: strawberry panic - the complete manga collection

art exhibits
yayoi kusama: in infinity (helsinki art museum)


kimi no na wa (2016) (your name)
gyechun halman (2016) (canola)
que jiao yi zu (2015) (the missing piece)

age of youth, 1x01
black mirror, series 1
the butch mystique
elementary, 2x15 *
mawaru penguindrum, 1x08
showa genroku raguko shinju, 1x04+1x05
spirit of the craftsman, 1 episode

aoibheann sweeney: among other things, I've taken up smoking

suenobu keiko: limit, volume 1
cossette house/aniplex + katsura asuka: le portrait de petite cossette, volume 1 *

château de la reine + viva! festa! (takarazuka revue, cosmos troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)
hoshiai hitoyo + greatest hits (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, chuunichi theatre, nagoya)
hoshiai hitoyo + greatest hits (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, chuunichi theatre, nagoya)


perfetti sconosciuti (2016) (perfect strangers)
elizabeth (1998)
#bkky (2016)
kono sekai no katasumi ni (2016) (in this corner of the world)
kang rinpoche (2015) (paths of the soul)
リップヴァンウィンクルの花嫁 (2016) (a bride for rip van winkle) (director's cut)

short films
estar con ella (2016)

battlestar galactica, 1x09
cosmos: a spacetime odyssey, 1x01
gravity falls, 1x05
hannibal, 1x08-1x10
orange is the new black, 2x07 *
orphan black, 3x02
revolutionary girl utena, 1x31-1x33
star trek, 1x01
steven universe, 1x31
stranger things, 1x06+1x07

vivi-ann sjögren: mustaa kahvia, keksinmuruja (kocken, turisten, persikorna) (out loud)
wisława szymborska: hetki

furuya usamaru: genkaku picasso, volume 1

complete magazines
granta: the magazine of new writing - fate (autumn 2014)

prinsessa hamlet (q-teatteri, helsinki)


louise en hiver (2016) (louise by the shore)
the eagle huntress (2016)
pride and prejudice (2005)
room in rome (2010)

adventure time, 1x08 *
american horror story, 1x06
hannibal, 1x11+1x12
revolutionary girl utena, 1x34
shin sekai yori, 1x06
teen wolf, 2x03
warau salesman new, 1x01

shimura takako: wandering son, volume 2

via crucis (kaisaniemenpuisto + suomen pankki + tuomiokirkko, helsinki)

pergolesi: stabat mater (munkkiniemen kirkko)


sun in the last days of the shogunate (1957) (bakumatsu taiyouden)
la fille inconnue (2016)
frantz (2016)

age of youth, 1x02

peter englund: kuningatar kristiina - tyttökuningas (silvermasken - en kort biografi över drottning kristina)
johanna sinisalo: auringon ydin

yuuki fujimoto: the stellar six of gingacho, volume 1 *
mari okazaki: suppli, volume 1 *
hiroaki samura: ohikkoshi *
hiroki endo: eden - it's an endless world, volume 1 *
fumi yoshinaga: all my darling daughters *
mari okazaki: sweat & honey *

bakumatsu taiyouden + dramatic s! (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)
bakumatsu taiyouden + dramatic s! (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)
bakumatsu taiyouden + dramatic s! (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)


* - rewatch/reread

1/1/16 11:37 pm - fiction & such for 2016


omoide poroporo (1991) (only yesterday) *
we need to talk about kevin (2011)
life 2.0 (2010)
one day on earth (2012)
hot coffee (2011)

short films
swimming in your skin again (2015)
cencoroll (2009)

adventure time, 1x04
ano hi mita hana no namae wo bokutachi wa mada shiranai, 1x02
archer, 1x07
atlantis, 1x02
battlestar galactica: miniseries *
breaking bad, 2x02
chef's table, 1x04
community, season 1
elementary, 2x02+2x03 *
fringe, 1x05
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x05+1x06
hemlock grove, 1x01 *
jessica jones, 1x02
the killing, 1x01
making a murderer, 1x01
mushi-shi - next passage -, 1x01
nagi no asukara, 1x03
the perfect insider, 1x01
person of interest, 1x02
les révenants, 1x01 *
rome, 1x04
sense8, 1x02
shirobako, 1x09
spooks, 1x01 *
tonari no kaibutsu-kun, 1x01
top of the lake, season 1
the x-files, 1x02-1x04 *
the x-files, 10x01

robert lowell: life studies
shaun marmon: eunuchs and sacred boundaries in islamic society

fiona staples + brian k. vaughan: saga, volume 2
sirial: milkyway hitchhiking, volume 1

university reading
yi-fu tuan: introduction; body, personal relations, and spatial values; spaciousness and crowding; architectural space and awareness; visibility: the creation of place (in space and place: the perspective of experience) *
mona domosh: architecture and planning (in a companion to gender studies) *
howard davis: regulation (in the culture of building) *
franz rosenthal: male and female - described and compared (in homoeroticism in classical arabic literature)
everett k. rows: two homoerotic narratives from mamluk literature: al-safadi’s law’at al-shaki and ibn daniyal’s al-mutayyam (in homoeroticism in classical arabic literature)
sir richard f. burton (transl.): the tale of kamar al-zaman (in the arabian nights: tales from a thousand and one nights)
a.s. byatt: narrate or die - why scheherazade keeps on talking (in the arabian nights: tales from a thousand and one nights)
sir richard f. burton: preface (in the arabian nights: tales from a thousand and one nights)
kathryn babayan + afsaneh najmabadi: preface (in islamicate sexualities: translations across temporal geographies of desire)
valerie traub: the past is a foreign country? the times and spaces of islamicate sexuality studies (in islamicate sexualities: translations across temporal geographies of desire)
geraldine pratt: grids of difference - place and identity formation (in cities and difference) *
sahar amer: cross-dressing and female same-sex marriage in medieval french and arabic literatures (in islamicate sexualities: translations across temporal geographies of desire)
as'ad abukhalil: gender boundaries and sexual categories in the arab world (in feminist issues)
brad epps: comparison, competition, and cross-dressing: cross-cultural analysis in a contested world (in islamicate sexualities: translations across temporal geographies of desire)
dina al-kassim: epilogue - sexual epistemologies, east in west (in islamicate sexualities: translations across temporal geographies of desire)

jonathan larson: rent (curious grin in oxford playhouse)

complete games


carol (2015)
antichrist (2009)
mate-me por favor (2015) (kill me please)
spotlight (2015)
to kill a mockingbird (1962)
the revenant (2015)
the look of silence (2014)
butch cassidy and the sundance kid (1969)

short films
masao yamamoto: the space between flowers (2010)

atlantis, 1x03
breaking bad, 2x03
candy boy, 1x01
elementary 2x04 *
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x07
house, m.d., 1x01 *
spooks, 1x02 *
tonari no kaibutsu-kun, 1x02
tsuritama, 1x01
the x-files, 1x05-1x08 *
the x-files, season 10

jean giono: the man who planted trees (l'homme qui plantait des arbres)
shahrnush parsipur: women without men (zanan bidun-i mardan)
jennifer robertson: takarazuka - sexual politics and popular culture in modern japan
roland barthes: mythologies

june kim: 12 days *

university reading
paul baker, costas gabrielatos, majid khosravinik, michal krzyzanowski, tony mcenery + ruth wodak: a useful methodological synergy? combining critical discourse analysis and corpus linguistics to examine discourses of refugees and asylum seekers in the uk press (in discourse society)
chonghoon lee: visual stalinism from the perspective of heroisation - posters, paintings and illustrations in the 1930s (in totalitarian movements and political religions)
ray morris: visual rhetoric in political cartoons - a structuralist approach (in metaphor and symbolic activity)
nyongesa ben wekesa: can cartoons talk? visual analysis of cartoons on the 2007/2008 post-election violence in kenya - a visual argumentation approach (in discourse & communication)
rokeya sakhawat hossain: sultana's dream (in sultana's dream: a feminist utopia and selections from 'the secluded ones')
supriya chaudhuri: interiors and interiority in nineteenth-century india (in the domestic space reader)
janaki nair: uncovering the zenana - visions of indian womanhood in englishwomen's writings, 1813-1940 (in expanding the boundaries of women's history: essays on women in the third world)
david wigston: aids and political cartoons - a case study (in communicatio: south african journal for communication theory and research)
lucy jarosz: constructing the dark continent - metaphor as geographic representation of africa (in geografiska annaler. series b, human geography)
kwame anthony appiah: is the post- in postmodernism the post- in postcolonial? (in critical inquiry)
lata mani: production of an official discourse on sati in early nineteenth century bengal (in economic and political weekly)
marsha henry: ten reasons not to write your master's dissertation on sexual violence in war (in the disorder of things)
patricia hill collins: get your freak on - sex, babies, and images of black femininity (in black sexual politics: african americans, gender, and the new racism)


nie yin niang (2015) (the assassin)

atlantis, 1x04
battlestar galactica, 1x01+1x02 *
community, season 2
community, season 3
community, season 4
community, season 5
fringe, 1x06
jessica jones, 1x03+1x04
mawaru penguindrum, 1x01 *
ping pong, 1x03+1x04
revolutionary girl utena, 1x18+1x19
tamako market, 1x01+1x02 *
tonari no kaibutsu-kun, 1x03

sarah kane: 4.48 psychosis

ram devineni + vikas k. menon + dan goldman: priya's shakti

university reading
veena das: sexual violence, discursive formations and the state (in economic and political weekly)
veena das: violence, gender, and subjectivity (in annual review of anthropology)
hemant purohit, tanvi banerjee, andrew hampton, valerie l. shalin, nayanesh bhandutia + amit sheth: gender-based violence in 140 characters or fewer - a #bigdata case study of twitter (in first monday)
veena das: the event and the everyday (in life and words: violence and descent into the ordinary)
veena das: the figure of the abducted woman - the citizen as sexed (in life and words: violence and descent into the ordinary)
veena das: language and body - transactions in the construction of pain (in life and words: violence and descent into the ordinary)
patricia hill collins: booty call - sex, violence, and images of black masculinity (in black sexual politics: african americans, gender, and the new racism)
matthias ecker-ehrhardt: "but the un said so..." - international organisations as discursive authorities (in global society)
mariane c. ferme: "archetypes of humanitarian discourse" - child soldiers, forced marriage, and the framing of communities in post-conflict sierra leone (in humanity: an international journal of human rights, humanitarianism, and development)
francis b. nyamnjoh: blinded by sight - divining the future of anthropology in africa (in africa spectrum)
teun a. van dijk: principles of critical discourse analysis (in discourse & society)


archer, 1x08
community, season 6
good morning call, 1x01+1x02
jessica jones, 1x05
the killing, 1x02
les révenants, 1x02
rome, 1x05

university reading
marnina gonick: between "girl power" and "reviving ophelia" - constituting the neoliberal girl subject (in nwsa journal)
marianne jørgensen + louise phillips: the field of discourse analysis (in discourse analysis as theory and method)

die fledermaus + the entertainer (takarazuka revue, star troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)
me and my girl (takarazuka revue, flower troupe, takarazuka grand theatre)


umimachi diary (2015) (our little sister)
lung bunmi raluek chat (2010) (uncle boonmee who can recall his past lives)
bound (1996)

adventure time, 1x05 *
ano hi mita hana no namae wo bokutachi wa mada shiranai, 1x03
attack on titan, 1x01
battlestar galactica, 1x03+1x04 *
breaking bad, 2x04
buffy the vampire slayer, 1x06
cardcaptor sakura, 1x01
chihayafuru, 1x07
doctor who, series 2
doctor who, 3x01
elementary, 2x05+2x06 *
endeavour, 1x01
free!, 2x06
fringe, 1x07
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x08
gurren lagann, 1x01 *
haikyu!!, 1x02
horrible histories, series 1 *
hyouka, 1x03+1x04
jessica jones, 1x06
making a murderer, 1x02
mushishi, 1x01 *
natsume yuujincho, 1x02 *
once upon a time, 2x01+2x02
orange is the new black, season 1 *
orphan black, season 2
ping pong, 1x05
les révenants, 1x03
shin sekai yori, 1x03
shirobako, 1x10
steins;gate, 1x01
steven universe, 1x01
tamako market, 1x03
tatami galaxy, 1x04
the x-files, 1x09+1x10 *

hafiz-ud-deen mahomed isfahani (translated by maurice p. hanley): the rubaiyat of heart's delight and other poems
leonie r. stickland: gender dynamics - performing and consuming japan's takarazuka revue

university reading
judith okely: rereading the second sex (in simone de beauvoir: a critical reader)
claire colebrook: on the very possibility of queer theory (in deleuze and queer theory)


bill cunningham new york (2010)
sinbad: legend of the seven seas (2003)
sin city (2005)
vegucated (2011)
dare mo shiranai (2004) (nobody knows)

short films
tokyo vacations (2016)

adventure time, 1x06+1x07 *
american horror story, 1x04
archer, 1x09
battlestar galactica, 1x05+1x06 *
being human, 1x01 *
candy boy, 1x02
doctor who, 3x02+3x03
durarara!!, 1x01 *
gravity falls, 1x01 *
hemlock grove, 1x02
house, m.d., 1x02 *
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x09
mawaru penguindrum, 1x02 *
puella magi madoka magica, complete series
tsuritama, 1x02
the x-files, 1x11 *

recorded plays
roméo to juliette (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, 2011)
nijinsky (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, 2011)

takako shimura: wandering son, volume 1 *
jillian tamaki + mariko tamaki: this one summer
tillie walden: the end of summer

university reading
makiko yamanashi: introduction + the taisho 'modern' in the female domain of girls' culture (in a history of the takarazuka revue since 1914: modernity, girls' culture, japan pop)
michiko suzuki: writing same-sex love - sexology and literary representation in yoshiya nobuko's early fiction (in the journal of asian studies)
makiko yamanashi: the stage art of takarazuka 'fantasy adventure' + takarazuka in the modern heritage of girls' culture and beyond + conclusion (in a history of the takarazuka revue since 1914: modernity, girls' culture, japan pop)
james welker: beautiful, borrowed, and bent - "boys' love" as girls' love in shôjo manga (in signs: journal of women in culture and society)

haydn: nelson mass + mcdowall: rain, steam and speed + verdi: te deum (the london mozart players, magdalen college choir,  magdalen college school players, verdi choir, elizabeth weisberg, carris jones, daniel norman, will pate, daniel hyde, jon cullen; sheldonian theatre, oxford)


rising voices / hótȟaŋiŋpi - revitalizing the lakota language (2015)
omoide no mānī (2014) (when marnie was there)
an education (2009)
maboroshi no hikari (1995)
kaguya-hime no monogatari (2013) (the tale of princess kaguya)
she, a chinese (2009)
a perfect ending (2012)

american horror story, 1x05
atlantis, 1x05
attack on titan, 1x02+1x03
breaking bad, 2x05+2x06
cardcaptor sakura, 1x02
doctor who, 3x04+3x05
elementary, 2x07 *
endeavour, 1x02
free!, 2x07
gravity falls, 1x02
haikyū!!, 1x03
hyouka, 1x05+1x06
log horizon, 1x01
mawaru penguindrum, 1x03 * +1x04
mushishi, 1x02+1x03
once upon a time, 2x03
orange is the new black, 2x01-2x04 *
ping pong, 1x06
revolutionary girl utena, 1x20-1x22
shin sekai yori, 1x04
steins;gate, 1x02
steven universe, 1x03+1x04
tamako market, 1x04
the x-files, 1x12-1x14 *
yona of the dawn, 1x03

mia kankimäki: asioita jotka saavat sydämen lyömään nopeammin

recorded plays
lupin III in search of the queen's necklace (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, 2015)

jillian tamaki: supermutant magic academy
anders nilsen: the end

art exhibitions
yayoi kusama: all the eternal love I have for the pumpkins & chandelier of grief + infinity net paintings (victoria miro, london)


shigatsu monogatari (1998) (april story)
into the wild (2007)
the rules of attraction (2002)
pretty in pink (1986)
キツツキと雨 (2011) (the woodsman and the rain)
the lobster (2015)

cardcaptor sakura, 1x03
doctor who, 3x06-3x08
eureka seven, 1x01
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x10+1x11
house, m.d., 1x03 *
the killing, 1x03
mawaru penguindrum, 1x05
rome, 1x06
teen wolf, season 1
teen wolf, 2x01
tonari no kaibutsu-kun
tsuritama, 1x03
the x-files, 1x15 *

dai sijie: balzac and the little chinese seamstress (balzac et la petite tailleuse chinoise)
anne enright: the gathering

recorded plays
hoshiai hitoyo + la esmeralda (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, 2015)


évolution (2015)
zjednoczone stany miłości (2016) (united states of love)
girl asleep (2015)
tout en haut du monde (2015) (long way north)
tà xuè xún méi (2015) (port of call)
バケモノの子 (2015) (the boy and the beast)
grüße aus fukushima (2016) (fukushima mon amour)
umi yori mo mada fukaku (2016) (after the storm)
ラブ&ピース (2015)
pojkarna (2015) (girls lost)
girl power (2016)
agassi (2016) (the handmaiden)

archer, 1x10
bakemonogatari, 1x01 *
battlestar galactica, 1x07+1x08 *
デュラララ!!, 1x02
elementary, 2x08 *
hannibal, 1x01-1x03 *
orange is the new black, 2x05 *
orphan black, 3x01
revolutionary girl utena, 1x23-1x27
steven universe, 1x05-1x25
stranger things, 1x01-1x03

recorded plays
rurouni kenshin (takarazuka revue, snow troupe, 2016)

kiyohiko azuma: yotsuba&!, volume 1 *


the woods (2006)

agent carter, 1x04
ano hi mita hana no namae wo bokutachi wa mada shiranai, 1x04
buffy the vampire slayer, 1x07
ちはやふる, 1x08
elementary, 2x09-2x11 *
the fosters, 1x01 *
free!, 2x08
fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood, 1x12+1x13
gravity falls, 1x03
ハイキュー!!, 1x04
hannibal, 1x04-1x06 *
hyouka, 1x07
けいおん!, 1x01
misfits, series 1
mushishi, 1x04+1x05
nagi no asukara, 1x04
natsume yuujincho, 1x03 *
nichijou, 1x01
orange is the new black, 2x05 *
revolutionary girl utena, 1x28+1x29
shin sekai yori, 1x05
steins;gate, 1x03
tatami galaxy, 1x05

natsuo kirino: out (アウト)


the faculty (1998)
I, daniel blake (2016)
beetlejuice (1988)
the breakfast club (1985) *

short films
on suffocation (2013)
i fred (2004) (peace talk)
födelsedag (2010) (birthday)
boygame (2013)
next door letters (2011)
ladyboy (2013)
reel (2013)

bakemonogatari, 1x02
breaking bad, 2x07+2x08
cardcaptor sakura, 1x04
downton abbey, 1x01 *
hyouka, 1x08
kids on the slope, 1x01
the killing, 1x04
mawaru penguindrum, 1x06
merlin, 1x06
teen wolf, 2x02
tsuritama, 1x04

kalle isokallio: venttiili-ville (out loud)

yamakawa aiji: やじろべえ, volume 1


gyeongseong hakgyo: sarajin sonyeodeul (2015) (the silenced)
friends with money (2006)

black mirror, 1x01 *
breaking bad, 2x09
elementary, 2x12-2x14 *
erased, 1x01
gravity falls, 1x04
hannibal, 1x07 *
mawaru penguindrum, 1x07
mushishi, 1x06+1x07
revolutionary girl utena, 1x30
showa genroku raguko shinju, 1x01+1x02
sound! euphonium, 1x01
stranger things, 1x04+1x05

pasi ilmari jääskeläinen: lumikko ja yhdeksän muuta

chica umino: honey and clover, volume 1 *

kevyttä mielihyvää (q-teatteri)

complete magazines
national geographic, december 2013

* - rewatch/reread

1/1/15 11:39 pm - fiction & such for 2015

72 films
2 short films
8 complete seasons of television
269 tv episodes
61 different tv series
26 books
34 comics
64 university texts
4 complete magazines
9 live performances


films in the cinema: ida (2013) + magical girl (2014)
film at home: the kingdom of dreams and madness (2013)
tv shows: chef's table + orphan black + shirobako
books: john steinbeck: ystävyyden talo + evelyn waugh: brideshead revisited + jean cocteau: les enfants terribles
comic: tetsuya toyoda: koohii jikan
play: pirkko saisio + jussi tuurna: slava! kunnia
gig: scandinavian music group at nosturi

our beating heartsCollapse )

12/31/14 11:59 pm - fiction & such for 2014

114 films
16 short films
20 complete seasons of television
414 tv episodes
87 different tv series
28 books
44 comics
11 complete magazines
13 plays & performances


new films in the cinema: only lovers left alive (2013) + capturing dad (2012)
new films at home: holy motors (2012) + noriko's dinner table (2005)
new tv shows: orange is the new black + revolutionary girl utena
old tv show: elementary + flcl
books: michael flynn: eifelheim + caspar henderson: a book of barely imagined beings + virginia woolf: a room of one's own
comic series: chica umino: honey and clover + hisae iwaoka: nekomichi
comic one-shot: mariko tamaki & jillian tamaki: skim
play: john cameron mitchell: hedwig and the angry inch

let us be storiesCollapse )

12/31/13 11:59 pm - fiction & such for 2013

153 films
26 short films
6 complete seasons of television
303 tv episodes
110 different tv series
32 books
92 comics
126 university texts
3 complete magazines
11 plays & performances
3 concerts


new films in the cinema: safety not guaranteed (2012) + I wish (2011) + before midnight (2013) + belleville baby (2013) + museum hours (2012) + facing mirrors (2011)
new films on dvd: gabbeh (1996) + after life (1998)
new tv shows: battlestar galactica + elementary
old tv shows: flcl + how I met your mother
books: writer, m.d. - the best contemporary fiction and nonfiction by doctors + george r.r. martin - a storm of swords
comic series: chica umino - honey and clover
comic one-shot: est em - the lady of udon
play: thomas hobbins - land's end + rob drummond - bullet catch

flickers of livesCollapse )

4/22/13 07:11 pm - see you in the next life

Two bus journeys (both away), two songs, about eight years in between.

I turned around and the water was closing all around
like a glove, like the love that had finally, finally found me


I've been a fool and I've been blind,
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
and our love is pastured such a mournful sound
tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground

Time for some other journey.

12/31/12 11:59 pm - fiction & such for 2012

118 films
20 short films
13 complete seasons of television
370 tv episodes
38 books
84 comics
55 university texts
7 complete magazines
12 plays
2 concerts
2 art exhibitions
1 complete game


new film in the cinema: beasts of the southern wild (2012)
new film on dvd: but I'm a cheerleader (1999)
new tv show: doctor who + luther
old tv show: how I met your mother
book: stewart o'nan - the night country + james frey - the final testament
comic series: fumi yoshinaga - the flower of life
comic one-shot: inio asano - a girl by the sea
play: cora bissett - glasgow girls: the musical

brand new dreamsCollapse )

12/31/11 11:59 pm - fiction & such for 2011

92 films
4 short films
27 complete seasons of television
538 tv episodes
42 books
83 comics
25 university texts
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4/5/11 07:16 am - some gentler wind


Spring, spring, spring. That is to say, bittersweetness, restlessness, and more than anything, wanderlust.

It's time to go again. I have one month's rent left to pay, I've lost my sweet heavy too-long days in the theatre to professional technicians, I should be sending books back and going over everything (again).

It's been a spring of many chants and banners, petitions and police helicopters over the campus, free hot chocolate and fiery voices reverberating the stone walls of the cloisters. At least we'll go down fighting.
"Education for the masses - not just for the ruling classes!"

Spring came early, this picture is from Valentine's Day. Tonight there was a heavy wind tugging at my rainbow-coloured umbrella that someone else had left in the backyard with the rubbish. Yesterday I went there and there was a big, wild, fox-coloured cat, climbing over the high fences. The blooming trees are already scattering their petals all around.

Next year is a game: Strasbourg, Poitiers, Nice, other. Blind-folded, I wait for my fate.

Tomorrow we'll catch a plane to Morocco. To the snake charmers, spice sellers and orange trees of Marrakesh. I have never travelled outside of Europe before. I don't actually believe that we're going.

(And my springheart is already dreaming up more: lazy days in Saaremaa, fox bones, stubborn rams and owls on traffic signs. And in the ancient forest shared by Poland and Belarus, wisents and named oak trees.)

12/3/10 03:29 am - like the shiver of a passing train

today the stone walls were painted with gold. my Columbian tutor was thrilled about snow, their cold isn't my cold. I dislike my national identity (it's not my national identity, but sometimes it feels safe -- or no, sometimes I need to define myself and I don't know how, I would just like to melt into everything other and be at home), but there's a certain loveliness about being Nordic; it's all so extreme - missed glimpses of sun through snow-heavy clouds and light-bathed summer nights, sounds rising up through the open windows. there's Dorothy and her queer glittery slippers -- echoing, dorothy I know you've had amazing dreams, we can't go chasing down each golden street (it's called dorothy at forty, how great is that?)

oh but what then? there used to be marble youth standing on graves, with strangerfaces, frozen in perpetual motion a girl said today, we laughed, it was very eloquent & beautiful. I was on a bus, all the treebranches were heavy and magical with snow, the journey took forever, I fell asleep & woke & watched silent roads & didn't mind. there were two foxes: second just across a street, handsome & thick-furred, first right behind my window, I  paintblood was dripping down my chin and only saw the tail. there is going to be a play with lots of sex, darkened rooms & red accessories appearing as they all get stained with syphilis. we will spend over 14 hours on our balcony & burn our fingers on ancient floodlights. in Candide, the old woman says, "enfin de caresser le serpent qui nous dévore, jusqu'à ce qu'il nous ait mangé le cœur ?" (it sort of reminds me of, et ce ver dans la pomme qui glisse entre les dents nous embaume le cœur, le cerveau, et nous laisse son parfum au dedans) and an eternity away/ever-so-close, the stone lions of München, the bullet-hammered walls, glimmering lights, paper stars. if if if the flights, that is-- I was reading the journal of a girl who's stuck somewhere in England, black-out, brandy, candles & people mentioning wwii. that's quite lovely, too.

and Vienna Teng singing,
in another life
you and I
were Red Guards in training
side by side
we marched on Tiananmen
turned our own parents in for hoarding rice
and in the Great Leap Forward
we crawled on our bellies and died
and the blood-orange sky gave a cry
of the next time around

(there was a film and all I remember is the girl saying, "in this life I die, in the next, I'll live." and it all seemed so easy.)
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